From time to time
I question my decision
wonder if the choice
I made was worth
the tears I've been crying
constantly reminded
by the melodic
drip
drip
drop
of my tears as they hit the page
smearing the ink of my words
I often wonder if
they see through
the jokes and smiles
the facade of happiness
to the resounding
dull aching of my heart
mimicking the
drip
drip
drop
of the tears that escape
my eyes
is the constant numbness
witness that a brash choice
has forever tainted
a once loving and peaceful heart
or is that constant
drip
drip
drop
a healing song
from my eyes to my ears
to remind my heart
we've made it through
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
As I Reflect...In The Morning (NPM 6 of 30)
Last nights fight
was like nothing before
words were said
that can never be taken back
doors slammed
dishes broken
now i'm wondering
will you be there
in the morning
tears were shed
egos destroyed
lies revealed
and motives questioned
now i'm wondering
will you be there
in the morning
i'm afraid to sleep
cause i don't know
what tomorrow holds
but
i got your call
and you promised
you'd be there
in the morning
was like nothing before
words were said
that can never be taken back
doors slammed
dishes broken
now i'm wondering
will you be there
in the morning
tears were shed
egos destroyed
lies revealed
and motives questioned
now i'm wondering
will you be there
in the morning
i'm afraid to sleep
cause i don't know
what tomorrow holds
but
i got your call
and you promised
you'd be there
in the morning
As I Reflect....Every Little Bit Hurts (NPM 5 of 30)
You'd never know the sadness behind my smile
because I do all I can do
to make sure you're happy
but nothings good enough
given an inch
and you run a mile
I beg and plead
supply all your needs
and at the end of the day
nothings change
you still don't appreciate
my sacrifices, my tears
or my broken heart
and every little bit hurts
every lie
every late night without a call
every cold dinner
every tear that falls
every little bit hurts
and I can't take it anymore
one day you'll see
you had it all in me
and then you'll be crying
every little bit hurts
as you live through
life without me
because I do all I can do
to make sure you're happy
but nothings good enough
given an inch
and you run a mile
I beg and plead
supply all your needs
and at the end of the day
nothings change
you still don't appreciate
my sacrifices, my tears
or my broken heart
and every little bit hurts
every lie
every late night without a call
every cold dinner
every tear that falls
every little bit hurts
and I can't take it anymore
one day you'll see
you had it all in me
and then you'll be crying
every little bit hurts
as you live through
life without me
Monday, April 5, 2010
As I Reflect...Insanity (NPM 4 of 30)
There are times when I think
I'm on the verge of going insane
cause I've tried this love thing
over and over and over again
but in the end
The results still the same
here I sit all alone
trying to put together the pieces of my heart
like trying to repair a jigsaw puzzle in the dark
Other times I further believe
I'm going insane
because the same person I love
as if they were blood
seem to break my heart
because as they promise to be there
words and actions don't seem to be adding up
and as much as I want to believe
things and people do change
I'm not sure it's a battle I'm up for
My insanity comforts me
for it allows me to believe
that opening my heart again won't end in heart break
to believe that the word "friend"
still holds meaning to more than just me
to think and believe that eventually
people will not just like me
but
love me just for ME
even in my moments of insanity
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
I'm on the verge of going insane
cause I've tried this love thing
over and over and over again
but in the end
The results still the same
here I sit all alone
trying to put together the pieces of my heart
like trying to repair a jigsaw puzzle in the dark
Other times I further believe
I'm going insane
because the same person I love
as if they were blood
seem to break my heart
because as they promise to be there
words and actions don't seem to be adding up
and as much as I want to believe
things and people do change
I'm not sure it's a battle I'm up for
My insanity comforts me
for it allows me to believe
that opening my heart again won't end in heart break
to believe that the word "friend"
still holds meaning to more than just me
to think and believe that eventually
people will not just like me
but
love me just for ME
even in my moments of insanity
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
As I Reflect... And I (NPM 3 of 30)
I wanted to just walk away from this
from you and everything that hurt so bad
wanted to pretend that the fear I felt
was from the chance of having to face the outside world alone
but reality set in
And I realized that the fear was not outside
but contained within these four walls
a fear that ran so deep that a times
I felt like my heart would stop beating
because of how hard it was breathing
there were times when I thought
today would be the day that things go too far
the worst part is that I've planned for that day
arrangments are made, kids have a place to stay
and I a final resting place
yet, today wasn't that day
because there was an inner strength from within
that rose so far so fast
that when I looked in the mirror
I promised me
today would be the last of this kind of hurt and your kind of pain
no longer living with thoughts of love misconstrued
determined to unweave the webs of
mental, physical and emotional abuse
determined to be a survivor at all cost
and I will
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
from you and everything that hurt so bad
wanted to pretend that the fear I felt
was from the chance of having to face the outside world alone
but reality set in
And I realized that the fear was not outside
but contained within these four walls
a fear that ran so deep that a times
I felt like my heart would stop beating
because of how hard it was breathing
there were times when I thought
today would be the day that things go too far
the worst part is that I've planned for that day
arrangments are made, kids have a place to stay
and I a final resting place
yet, today wasn't that day
because there was an inner strength from within
that rose so far so fast
that when I looked in the mirror
I promised me
today would be the last of this kind of hurt and your kind of pain
no longer living with thoughts of love misconstrued
determined to unweave the webs of
mental, physical and emotional abuse
determined to be a survivor at all cost
and I will
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Friday, April 2, 2010
As I Reflect...Knife In The Back (National Poetry Month Day 2 of 30)
Trust is hard to gain
and once betrayed even harder
for one to get back
one thing I'd always wondered
how's it feel to have a
knife in the back
then i wondered
what exactly was that
is it finding out your man cheated?
or could it be
your best friend telling your inner most secrets?
was it followed by the kind of pain
that momentarily takes your breath away
after years of wondering
i venture to say
there is no pain like being betrayed
and i confirm there is a moment
when you feel like the wind has been knocked out of you
moments of wanting to curl up
call that friend and say nothing
just cry
but you can't
because the bloods on their hands
so in order to save face
you suck it up
take a deep breathe
and slowly pull the knife from your back
allowing the poison of betrayal
to freely flow
knowing eventually all wounds heal
and once betrayed even harder
for one to get back
one thing I'd always wondered
how's it feel to have a
knife in the back
then i wondered
what exactly was that
is it finding out your man cheated?
or could it be
your best friend telling your inner most secrets?
was it followed by the kind of pain
that momentarily takes your breath away
after years of wondering
i venture to say
there is no pain like being betrayed
and i confirm there is a moment
when you feel like the wind has been knocked out of you
moments of wanting to curl up
call that friend and say nothing
just cry
but you can't
because the bloods on their hands
so in order to save face
you suck it up
take a deep breathe
and slowly pull the knife from your back
allowing the poison of betrayal
to freely flow
knowing eventually all wounds heal
Thursday, April 1, 2010
As I Reflect....Beautiful Surprise (National Poetry Month Day 1 of 30)
I loved you deeper than ever before
I loved you harder than I've ever loved
I wanted more for you than I can put into words
unfortunately
My love was too deep, too hard
and even I tried
I could never truly explain it
our demise was a beautiful surprise
our falling out of love with one another
sent me on a downward
of
falling in love with me
realized no matter how much I changed
if it wasn't for me
it's for nothing at all
my heart became more open to me
my eyes more clearly began to see
My emotional being was at heightened sensitivity
all because love left me
or so I thought
my beautiful surprise
was found within
the heart and soul of this woman
I loved you harder than I've ever loved
I wanted more for you than I can put into words
unfortunately
My love was too deep, too hard
and even I tried
I could never truly explain it
our demise was a beautiful surprise
our falling out of love with one another
sent me on a downward
of
falling in love with me
realized no matter how much I changed
if it wasn't for me
it's for nothing at all
my heart became more open to me
my eyes more clearly began to see
My emotional being was at heightened sensitivity
all because love left me
or so I thought
my beautiful surprise
was found within
the heart and soul of this woman
As I Reflect....National Poetry Month
What's good bloggers,
As I was sitting down to start some research for my 30 days 100 pages script adventure I also realized that the month of April is National Poetry Month, so I've decided to also attempt 30 poems in 30 days. My objective is to write pieces that have substance and truly reflect how and what I'm feeling. I think that this month will be one of growth for me and definitely that of new beginnings so sit back and enjoy this ride with me. Until next time....love, peace, & poetry!
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
As I was sitting down to start some research for my 30 days 100 pages script adventure I also realized that the month of April is National Poetry Month, so I've decided to also attempt 30 poems in 30 days. My objective is to write pieces that have substance and truly reflect how and what I'm feeling. I think that this month will be one of growth for me and definitely that of new beginnings so sit back and enjoy this ride with me. Until next time....love, peace, & poetry!
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
As I Reflect....My April Adventure
So, I haven't written a blog in a good little while. I actually haven't written much of anything. However, I'm back to my writing (again) and I've set out to conquer a new goal. My April adventure is the result of an e-mail I got. www.scriptfrenzy.org issues a challenge to write a 100 page script in 30 days. Now for some of the writers out there this is kinda of a no brain, no hard work type of task. However, for me, it is going to require some real work simply because I am kind of anal when it comes to my writing, so I'm gonna have to take a few days to do a little research. My other dilemma is going to be whether I want to take my novel and turn it into a script or if I want to start from scratch. So...thanks to my homegirl, Ebony (follow her www.ebonyjanice.blogspot.com ) you all will get to follow me (and her too) on this 30 day, 100 page, script writing journey.
I'm out for now...
Love Peace and Poetry...
I'm out for now...
Love Peace and Poetry...
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