As I Reflect....1st Day....9th Month...2013

WOW....I haven't not done an "As I Reflect" in almost a year to the day....and in that time so much has change yet so much has stayed the same....so currently I am sitting at my desk thinking about life and love and listening to Tye Tribbett "Greater Than"  and my mind is in a million and one places. I really don't have a lot to say right now..I think I'll have to come back and do a more detailed post later but if you know me, you know it'll have to do with love....and....forgiveness....a little bit of hurt and pain too....but anyway...soon coming...until then....love, peace, and poetry!

As I Reflect...New Love(?) Forgiveness(?)....and all that jazz...

What's good family?  I'm sitting here attempting to do some homework, listening to some music and talking to my boo :-) and I started thinking that I hadn't posted an "As I Reflect" in a while so I figured I'd do that since it was on my mind.  Let's see...if you've read my blogs before you know I'm kinda random and all over the place some times so just bare with me as I vent/rant or whatever...

so....topic one...(as usual-I think)...LOVE...yes...yes...yes...love...

Now for the most part I am a public-private person...I know that is somewhat of an oxymoron but I think by the time I finish this "paragraph" it will make more sense...so I love love...I love being in love...and I love for people to know I am in love...so I guess you can say that is the public part...now the private part I guess would be that I don't necessarily like many people to be in my business or to know much about my relationships. So...I have a very select few people that I talk or vent to if/when me and my love are having issues or what have you....I say all this to say that this new relationship I am is making me want to be a completely different person...like I want to scream it from the roof top that I love my significant other...I still don't want everyone up in my business but I want it to be know that I have someone in my life, that I love them, and that they have my heart for life, if they so choose.  I think more or less I feel so ecstatic about this relationship because I was so hurt for so long by past relationships and I honestly thought that my heart would never heal from the pain that I had felt and I never thought that I would find someone that would make me want to let down my guard or make me want to even try love again.  I honestly thought that I was gonna be single for the rest of my life because I was so wrapped up in the past that I wasn't looking or thinking about what could possible happen in the future.  I can honestly say that when God opened one door, there was so much on the other side of that door that I didn't expect that I'm still kind of in awe...so all I can say at this point is babe if you are reading this...I love you...plain and simple...I was scared of saying the words for several reasons but I'm telling you...I love you and I mean it and I'm willing to do whatever it takes to make sure you know its real...

so....topic two...(another REPEAT offender)...FORGIVENESS...(UGH!!!!)...

I can't really rant on this one for toooooo long...Lord knows forgiveness is like my biggest struggle ever...I know that I know that I know that forgiveness is not for them...it's for me...I tell myself that on a daily basis...and I'm working on it.  Truthfully though...my real reason for this post is more to ask for forgiveness than to be concerned with those I need to forgive right now...it's on my To Do List...but as for asking for forgiveness.  I know in thinking back over the last 10-15 years of my life...I know I have hurt a few people, definitely more than I would care to have hurt so I just ask in all seriousness, if I have ever done wrong to you in anyway I am truly sorry from the bottom of my heart.  I also know that there are probably some people that I have done wrong who don't even know that I've done them wrong and to them I apologize as well.  I think that part of growing up (Ya girl will be 30 in a few short months) is being able to acknowledge your wrongs and do what you can to make them right.  This is me extended my olive branch or peace offering or what have you.  If I've done you wrong and you read this and you wanna talk on it, hit me up...if you read this and you think I've done you wrong at some point...hit me up lets talk about it....simply put...if this post brings up some feeling or issue you feel is unresolved then bring it to me...I don't plan on entering into this next year of my life doing the same ole thing, so because change is inevitable, I opt to embrace it as oppose to fighting it!

Well that's about all for now....

Love, Peace, & Poetry....

K

Distance makes the heart grow fonder...or does it?

In my life I've moved more times than I can remember and sometimes it was hard, other times not so much. Basically, I guess what determined the difficulty of the move was the relationships that I had built prior to moving. The last 2 moves I have had to make had the biggest/hardest effect on me, I think, since I moved from home when I was younger.  I think the last 2, and even more so the last one, have had such a profound effect on me simply because relationships I spent years building seemingly feel through the cracks.  Personally, I was always one who thought that true friendships and relationships stood the test of time and space, but, now I'm not so sure.  The last move(s) have called me to question whether I had true friendships or whether or not true friendships and relationships can stand the test.  Honestly, I can say that either I have the answer and I don't like it or I just don't have an answer at all...either way, I kinda feel like it is a lose-lose situation...

 

Anyway, lately, I've been doing a lot of thinking and trying to come to a conclusion about some serious decisions I am going to have to make soon(er or later)...in my thought process several cliches have come to mind of those there are just a couple that really kind of stand out to me...

 

The first being "distance makes the heart grow fonder"...this one I am not really sure about.  I guess like all things in life, it is more a matter of the person(s) that you are speaking of and your relationship with those people that makes that cliche either true or false.

 

The second of those is "if you let something (or someone) go and it comes back to you it is meant to be..."...this one...again I'm on the fence because it then becomes a question of how long do you wait to see if that thing or that person is going to come back to you and what do you do in the mean time? So yea....Idk how true or false that one is or can be.

 

Well, I guess that's all the rambling I will do for now...until next time...

Write the vision

Habakkuk 2:2-3 NKJV

Then the Lord answered me and said: Write the vision And make  it  plain on tablets, That he may run who reads it. For the vision  is  yet for an appointed time; But at the end it will speak, and it will not lie. Though it tarries, wait for it; Because it will surely come, It will not tarry.

I posted this scripture because anytime I feel like giving up on writing I'm reminded of this...more over tonight/today I was contemplating deleting all of my incomplete manuscripts but I just needed to remind myself (and maybe someone else) not to give up and to simply "write the vision"

Until next time...
Love...peace...&...poetry

Choose Life!

Deuteronomy 30:19 NKJV

I call heaven and earth as witnesses today against you,  that  I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing; therefore choose life, that both you and your descendants may live;